Going beyond what you want
What do you want out of life? How do you want to feel in the future? What do you want your life to look like?
I think it’s important to ask these questions and take them further by going inwards.
Why do I want to feel a certain way? Why do I want my life to look a certain way? Why does a particular view of the future comfort while the other cuts?
Being able to answer the questions about the value we give certain situations and the feelings we attach them helps us more accurately figure out what we want.
Because what we want, if anything, is a reflection of what we value.
Just today my partner and I had one of those life conversations where you confront big questions. We’re both in our mid-thirties and we, to varying degrees, feel we need to buy a house.
Security, progress, and a feeling of accomplishment are things that come to mind when thinking of why I would want to buy a house. And these reasons are valid. But with asking why I wanted a house I realized that I really wanted the feelings and things it represents—the security, progress, and feeling of accomplishment—which doesn’t have to be in the form of a house.
How this looks practically is that I want the financial security that will allow me to save enough to make a big purchase while doing something that I’m passionate about and pushes me to be a more realized human being.
Moreover, working towards a house doesn’t get me up in the morning and push me to become this more realized person because I also think a big part of me wanting to own a house is following societal standards that aren’t necessarily my own.
Asking why I want my life to look a certain way, then attaching that to a feeling, and then asking why I want to feel that way helps me learn to value and care about what I want out of life. Because one of the things that matters most in life is that I give myself the space to learn about how I want to feel.